


Savour the moment - Joshler

by ryisdepressed



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryisdepressed/pseuds/ryisdepressed
Summary: There are many ways that death can come knocking on your door. Slipping away in your sleep at an old age. An accident. Murder. Disease. Suicide. Some deaths are sudden. Others are drawn out. You can feel yourself dying, others around you can see that light in your eyes fading and there’s nothing anything can do. That’s the worst kind of death. You have time to go over your life and realise all of things that you missed out on. Arguments you left unresolved. People you never said goodbye to. Before you’re even gone people are already in mourning.





	1. Part one

Death is inevitable. Everyone knows it is going to happen and that there is no escaping it. They have their whole lives to prepare for it, yet nobody is ever ready for it to actually happen. It is feared by almost everyone on the planet, even those who claim not to be afraid of it. Joshua Dun was one of those people who claimed to have no fear of it.   
There are many ways that death can come knocking on your door. Slipping away in your sleep at an old age. An accident. Murder. Disease. Suicide. Some deaths are sudden. Others are drawn out. You can feel yourself dying, others around you can see that light in your eyes fading and there’s nothing anything can do. That’s the worst kind of death. You have time to go over your life and realise all of things that you missed out on. Arguments you left unresolved. People you never said goodbye to. Before you’re even gone people are already in mourning.

These were the thoughts going through Josh’s head as he sat in the doctor’s office. The scent of disinfectant burning his nose and fluorescent lights giving him a blinding headache. He had never been afraid of death. It was just a part of living to him. But now that fear was consuming him. He wondered if his lack of fear was because of how distanced he felt from death. At sixteen he shouldn’t have to be worrying about how many weeks or months he had left. He should be sneaking out of the house to party, skipping class to smoke with his friends and only just starting to think of his future. His biggest worry should be what his grades were or if his mom had found his weed stash. Not worrying about hurting those around him when he was gone.

He thought of his siblings. How would he tell them that he was dying? Would they even understand? Ashley would and Jordan might. But Abigail was only eight years old. He couldn’t bear thinking about how much that would destroy her. Being told that one day her big brother was going to leave her and never come back. Leaving her with no protector. Nobody who let her crawl into bed with them with no question when she was afraid to sleep alone. Of course, they had their parents but to Abbie they were never the same as Josh.

Josh was pulled from his thoughts as his mom touched his shoulder softly. He looked up at her with wide eyes to see tears in hers. There was a pain in her eyes that Josh had never seen before. It was obvious that she was trying to hide it and stay strong for him, but it was there. Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she fought back the tears. ‘Did you hear what the doctor said?’ The boy looked at the ground as he shook his head. He couldn’t look at the pain in his mother’s eyes.

‘As I was saying, as you are young your chances of survival with the right treatment are very high. I’ll have you come back in at some point in the next two days to discuss treatment options. This will give you some time to think about your diagnosis and what you want to do. If you choose to go through with treatment you will most likely start it at the beginning of next week.’ The doctor remained professional as he spoke though there was a sympathetic tone in his voice. He looked at Josh for some kind of reply but was simply met with a blank stare. ‘Would you mind sitting outside for a few minutes while I talk with your mom?’

Josh silently stood up and left the room. He felt hollow as his feet moved by themselves. A numbness was consuming his entire being making him shiver. He wanted to cry. To scream. Throw things and yell. Instead he sat silent and unmoving in the waiting area. The tears that had been in his eyes were gone, leaving them blank and glazed over. His throat burned and it felt like a rock had been shoved down it. This isn’t how he thought his day was going to go. He had expected to be told he was anaemic and that it was easily fixable. Instead he was faced with a word that was a death sentence for so many people. Even if the doctor told him that it wasn’t one that was all Josh could think about. 

When his mom came out of the doctor’s office it was clear that she had been crying. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy as she dabbed at them with a tissue. ‘Let’s get you home then. Do you want to get ice cream on the way home? Or we could stop for iced coffees.’ She spoke quickly as she tried to distract herself from the tears threatening to fall again.   
‘Can I just go back to school? I’d rather pretend that everything is okay for a bit.’ Josh’s voice was hoarse as he spoke. His vocal chords felt like they were being ripped to shreds. Even the thought of pretending thins were okay made tears burn his eyes, but it was better than admitting that things really weren’t okay. Laura seemed hesitant as she saw the first tears appear in her son’s eyes but nodded. A small smile made its way to Josh’s face although, it didn’t hold any emotion.

The drive was mostly silent. The only noises came from the radio and the occasional sniff. Josh looked out of the window as they drove through the familiar streets. He could see people going about their everyday life. Josh wondered if they’d ever faced their own mortality. If they knew what it was like to be told they could die in the near future. He saw mothers out walking with their babies and toddlers. Would they ever have to outlive their child? Would they ever have to watch their child die knowing there was nothing they could do to stop it?

When they were stopped at a red-light Josh looked out at the playground across the road. There was only one person there. It was a boy from his school called Tyler Joseph. He played basketball which put him on the same level as the popular kids. Compared to Tyler, Josh was nothing but a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe. Tyler seemed pissed off when Josh first noticed him. He was pulling at his hair, hitting and kicking everything in his vicinity. It wasn’t until he turned to face Josh that he realised he wasn’t pissed off. He was upset. More than upset, he was broken. Tears streamed down his face that was contorted in pain. He made eye contact with Josh and his eyes went wide before he ran away. He was clearly terrified after realising that someone had seen him.


	2. Two

Josh had changed his mind after seeing Tyler and had went home instead. He didn’t want to risk seeing the other boy at school and facing an awkward conversation about them catching each other crying. Tyler was a popular kid so of course he would be worried about his reputation and Josh telling everyone what he had seen.

Josh had spent the rest of the night in his room. He didn’t want to see his siblings when they came home from school. It was too hard to look at them and be reminded of how happy and innocent they were. And how he was going to ruin that for them. He lay in his bed listening to them fighting, laughing and shouting. They were just kids. None of them deserved to lose their big brother. And they definitely shouldn’t have to watch him die.

The next morning, he was woken up by Ashley yelling at Abbie for stealing her make up while Jordan was running around the house saying something about a missing shoe. He checked the time and realised he had overslept. Ten minutes later and Josh was ready and stumbling down the stairs still half asleep. ‘Josh, I left you asleep for a reason.’ Laura’s tone was soft as she looked at her son with worry, ‘are you sure you want to go to school today?’ Josh quickly nodded while forcing a smile. He wanted to pretend for just a little bit longer. ‘Okay. If you need to go can come home at any time, just call me and I’ll come get you. You have an appointment at the hospital again tomorrow.’ Josh nodded again before hurrying out of the house and walking to school. 

When he neared the school gates, he saw Tyler standing with his friends. He seemed fine. Smiling and laughing at something one of the other guys had said. Josh almost thought had imagined the day before. Until Tyler looked at him. There was a pain in Tyler’s eyes similar to the one Josh had seen in his moms the day before. Tyler distracted said sometime to his friend as Josh tried to walk away.

He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. ‘Can we talk?’ He could hear a hint of fear in the other boy’s voice. Josh turned to look at Tyler. Up close he could see the bags under the boy’s bloodshot eyes. He nodded slowly and Tyler started walking away, gesturing for Josh to follow. Instead of going into the school they walked away from it. The walk was silent as the boys walked side by side, their hands brushing every so often. When Tyler stopped, they were at the park he was in the day before. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah?’ Josh was confused. Tyler seemed to be acting like Josh didn’t see him breaking down in that same park the day before. ‘Are you okay?’

Tyler nodded putting on an almost believable smile. If Josh hadn’t seen him the day before he would believe it. ‘Yeah, I am.’ An awkward silence fell over the two as Tyler looked at his shoes. ‘I-I saw you in the car with your mom yesterday. You seemed upset. Really upset. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.’ 

‘And we had to come all the way out here for you to ask me if I was okay?’ Josh raised an eyebrow at Tyler when they made eye contact. ‘I saw you too. You were definitely more upset than I was.’ Tyler hesitantly nodded. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ His eyebrows were drawn together as he heard Tyler sniffle while shrugging. He started walking to the bench when he realised that Tyler wasn’t following. Josh went back and put an arm around Tyler’s shoulder to guide him over to the bench. 

When they were sat down the boys just sat in silence. Neither of them wanting to be the one to break the silence. Tyler sniffed again as he stared holes through his shoes. He jumped a little as Josh put an arm around his shoulder but relaxed into it. ‘I don’t want to go into detail. I don’t know if I could handle that.’ His voice cracked as he spoke, but he continued, ‘my mom called me and said that something had happened to my little brother. Jay, the youngest one.’ His shoulders started to shake as tears started to fall again. Josh didn’t question him and instead just pulled his arm tighter around Tyler.

Josh remembered seeing Tyler with his little brother. He would see Tyler babysitting Jay all the time. Chasing after the energetic boy through that same park. Teaching him how to play basketball in the court across the road from Josh’s house. He tried not to think about what could have happened to Jay that made Tyler break down so hard the day before. ‘I-is he okay?’ His voice was hesitant, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. 

‘I honestly don’t know. He seemed fine when I saw him after school. But this morning he seemed so bad. He had been up most of the night crying and screaming. He only had a couple bites of his toast before he was throwing it back up.’ Tyler let out a sob and balled his fist in Josh’s shirt. ‘I just felt so, so helpless.’

Josh shushed him quietly, rocking him back and forth gently. ‘It’s okay to feel like that, just don’t blame yourself for not being able to do anything. I have no idea what’s wrong with Jay but if he’s sick there nothing you can do other than rub his back and give him plenty of hugs.’ Tyler nodded letting out a deep sigh.

When he pulled away from Josh, he looked at the small wet patch of his shirt. ‘Shit, I got your shirt wet. ‘M sorry.’ He let out a watery laugh as he wiped tears from his still watering eyes. Josh waved a hand to let him know that he didn’t mind. ‘Thanks… can we pretend like this didn’t happen? I know it makes me sound like a dick but if the team finds out that I talked to you or felt emotions I would get kicked off the team. And right now, that seems to be the only thing keeping me sane.’ 

‘Deal. But remember that if you want to feel emotions again that I won’t judge you for that.’ Tyler smiled at that. 

‘I’ll keep that in mind.’


	3. Three

By the time Josh got back from the hospital his siblings were already home from school. Their father had them all sitting on the sofa and was talking to them seriously. No. No no no. Josh wasn’t ready to tell them about his cancer. He hadn’t figured out the right words yet. Or how to comfort the others. ‘Joshua. I think you’d best join this conversation.’ Josh swallowed thickly as he walked over to the empty space beside his brother. ‘When Zack came home today, he seemed pretty upset. A girl in his class was saying that her brother had cancer and he had some questions.’ Josh let out a small sigh of relief. He could protect the others for a little bit longer. 

‘Who was the girl?’ Jordan had tear tracks on his face and was silent. At first Josh thought Jordan hadn’t heard him. Until more tears started to flow.

‘Maddy Joseph.’ He let out a quiet sob after that and Josh felt tears start to prick his eyes. That was why Tyler had been so upset. That’s why he felt completely helpless when he saw Jay being sick. 

‘Jay.’ Josh’s voice was barely above a whisper yet everyone in the room seemed to hear it. Looking at him quizzically. ‘I was talking to Tyler at school yesterday. He was pretty upset about something being wrong with Jay, said he was sick or something.’ His voice was getting quieter with every word as it sunk in that this was real. Josh could deal with his own cancer. He could get over that fear of death once again. By the time it was all ending he would be ready. Awaiting death with open arms. 

The thought of Jay having cancer crushed him though. Josh and Tyler were on different social tiers since the beginning of high school but before that they were close. Not at school, Josh was still seen as a loser even then but, outside of school the two were always together. Their parents were close too which was mostly the reason for them being friends. Thanks to that Josh had known Jay since the day he was born. He had watched kid grow up. Take his first steps. Get his first tooth. Josh was even there for his first words. He had watched the kid grow up and now he had the same disease that was killing himself. 

The family were all sat in silence. All of them thinking about what the Joseph’s must be going through. Josh shared a look with his parents. They had to tell the others at some point, but this wasn’t the right time. Then again, would there ever be a right time? ‘Was Maddy supposed to tell you about this?’ Bill’s voice was shaking as he attempted to hold back tears. When Jordan shook his head, he spoke again. ‘Okay then I want all of you to listen to me.’ The four kids made sure they were paying full attention. ‘Don’t say a word about this to anyone in that family. They’re probably going through enough right now they don’t need us prying into their lives. Okay?’ The kids all nodded. ‘Now c’mon. Group hug.’ 

Everyone let out a short laugh as they grouped together. 

For once there was no fighting in the Dun family. Everybody was oddly silent. The air seemed heavier in the house that night. Even though the eldest boys had grown apart the younger kids were still close. They were still close to Jay too.   
Everyone in that house considered the Joseph’s as family. They already thought they were going to lose one brother. And only Josh and his parents knew they were going to lose another one too. 

Laura tried to get everyone to eat but nobody could. They just sat staring at the mac and cheese sitting in front of them. One by one they left in complete silence until it was only Josh and Ashley who remained. Ashley looked around to make sure everyone else was out of hearing distance. ‘You’re sick, too aren’t you?’ Josh was completely silent, but Ash didn’t need him to say anything. ‘Two hospital visits in the past three days. Ever since the first one you’ve been different and today you looked scared. Before you left and when you came back. You saw us all sitting and looked terrified. You reacted different too. When you realised it was Jay, I don’t know, you just reacted different than we did.’ As the first tears fell Josh felt his little sister wrap her arms around him. ‘I’m here for you Joshy. When the time comes, I’ll help you tell the others about it.’ Ash squeezed Josh tightly once more before leaving. 

Later, Josh lay in his bed. For the first night all week he wasn’t thinking about his own mortality. He lay awake most of the night thinking about Jay. Sure, Josh had only spent sixteen years alive, but he felt he’d done his time. School was a waste of time he was rarely there and spent most of the time high. He would probably drop out and go into a shitty job that barely paid him enough to live. So far, Josh had wasted his entire life and he wasn’t planning on getting his shit together anytime soon. Jay however, he was six years old. He could barely spell his own name. He hadn’t lived yet. Josh wondered if Jay knew he was dying. If he understood what that meant. If he was as terrified as Josh. He hoped Jay’s childhood innocence was protecting him from that fear.

Josh almost screamed when his phone rang from the side of his bed. When his pulse started to slow down to a normal rate again his phone was ringing for the second time. It was Tyler. ‘Shit Tyler, are you okay?’ All Josh could hear at first was Tyler’s shaky breathing. As he focused on the sound, he could hear the screaming in the background. It was Jay. Screaming in pure agony. His voice was strained like he had been crying for hours, he probably had been crying for hours. 

‘C-can you meet me at the park in ten?’ Without a second thought Josh agreed, Tyler clearly needed this. ‘Is it okay if I bring my sister? We can’t stay here anymore.’ 

‘Of course, I’ll see you in ten.’ Josh immediately got out of his bed throwing on a hoodie and pulling his shoes on as he left his room. When he stumbled out of his room, he saw his mom. She looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow. ‘Tyler.’ That’s all it took for Laura to nod and let Josh go. He sprinted almost the whole way to the park and saw the siblings already there.


	4. Four

Tyler was sitting on a swing with Maddy sitting in his lap. She had her face buried in the crook of his neck and from where Josh stood, he could hear her soft sobs. He took a seat quietly on the swing beside them. The chains clinked quietly as he adjusted himself. ‘I’m sorry for dragging you out here. It’s four in the morning you were probably asleep,’ Tyler took a deep breath and swiped the tears from his eyes, ‘I just couldn’t stay there, and I didn’t want to be alone.’ He was barely whispering but the quiet of the night seemed to amplify it.

‘It’s okay. I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. Too much to think about.’ Josh looked over at the siblings noticing the sobbing had stopped. Maddy’s breathing had steadied as she lay against Tyler with closed eyes. ‘She seems tired.’

‘She hasn’t slept since last week. I think she’s taking it the hardest.’ Silence fell over the boys once again as they just sat in each other’s company. No words were needed. When Tyler let out a quiet sob Josh moved to wrap an arm around him. At first, Tyler flinched away but moved back and relaxed into Josh arm. Tyler’s sleepy voice broke the silence, ‘thank you. For being here without any questions.’ His eyes were closed but he wasn’t asleep.

‘I have plenty of questions. I just know you don’t need me asking them, and I don’t know if I want to know the answers.’ His voice was as quiet as Tyler’s had been but the small nod the other boy gave told him that he had heard. When Tyler’s breathing slowed Josh moved to stand up while holding Tyler so that he wouldn’t fall. He heard movement and saw Maddy rubbing her eyes. She looked around seeming panicked but calmed when she saw Josh. ‘Let’s get you and your brother home.’ He flashed her a crooked smile as she climbed off her brother’s lap.

Josh held Tyler with one hand, the other clasped in Maddy’s. The walk to Tyler’s house was short, but not short enough. When they neared the fence the calm of the night was disturbed by screaming. Maddy flinched and hid in Josh’s side as soon as the painful screams echoed through the street. ‘It never stops.’ Josh sighed and let go of her hand choosing to wrap it around her shoulders instead. They had stopped walking and were standing at the bottom of the path. ‘I don’t wanna go in. I can’t bear it anymore.’ Maddy was trembling in against Josh’s side and tears were threatening to spill over her cheeks again.

‘Do you want to come back to my house?’ Maddy nodded quickly sighing in relief. ‘Do you think you could go in and get some clothes for you and Ty?’ Again, she nodded and immediately detached herself from Josh to run into the house. When she came back out there was a bad slung over her shoulder and tears running down her cheeks. Maddy immediately took hold of Josh’s hand again, sticking to his side like glue as they walked back to Josh’s house.

Laura was waiting in the living room for them arriving back. Worried when Josh had been gone so long. The relief that she had felt when she heard the door open was gone as soon as she saw the three kids walk in. A look of sadness flooded her face when she saw the tears on Maddy’s face. She looked at Tyler asleep in her son’s arms, ‘is he okay?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You take him up to bed then, make sure he’s comfortable.’ Josh nodded and let go of Maddy’s hand so he could fully support Tyler as he walked up the stairs. When he was gone Laura turned to the still crying Maddy. ‘Do you want a hot chocolate or something to eat?’ The girl nodded shyly and followed her through to the kitchen.

When Josh came back downstairs there was a hot chocolate waiting for him on the counter that made him smile slightly. He went through to the living room where Maddy was sitting with his mom. She was still crying softly in Laura’s arms. Josh shook her shoulder softly before taking a seat. ‘I’m sorry for asking to come here,’ she shifted to look at the woman above her, ‘it so early, you were probably asleep.’ Laura waved a hand to let her know it was okay and brought her back to lay on her chest again.

Eventually Maddy fell asleep and Josh carried her to his room. He lay her in the bed next her brother before laying on the floor next to them. It was the opposite of comfortable, but he didn’t want the others to feel uncomfortable with him joining them in the bed. It broke his heart to see how much the siblings were affected by what was happening to Jay. To see how much, they were in pain from just watching Jay’s pain. He wondered if his siblings would be the same. If they would feel the same kind of pain. Josh hoped they wouldn’t. He prayed that they would just continue their lives like normal. That they wouldn’t even think about his cancer and that when he was gone, they would just forget about him. He prayed to every god he could think of that he would be the only one having to deal with the pain that his cancer brought. Both physically and mentally.

Sleep wasn’t easy that night for Josh. The floor pressing against his shoulder blades sent pain sparking through his spine. He was sure there would be bruises there in the morning. And when he finally got to sleep, he had to endure nightmare after nightmare. He would see himself in Jay’s situation, screaming and writhing in pain. He would watch his siblings going through the same things that Tyler and Maddy was going through. But the nightmare that he hated the most was the last two. They both started the same with Josh dying surrounded by his family. In one dream he had to watch their entire worlds come crashing down. In the other he watched as they moved on without a second thought. As much as he wanted his family to forget about him it hurt to watch it actually happen.


	5. Five

When Josh woke up the next day Tyler and Maddy were already gone. The house seemed oddly quiet too so he guessed that they had all left for school. He groaned as he sat up and felt the results of sleeping on the floor. Rolling his shoulders, he stood up and headed downstairs. His mom was in the kitchen humming a song while cleaning the dishes. ‘Hey mom.’ Josh walked over and started making some toast.

‘Hi son. Sorry I didn’t wake you, you just seemed so tired after being awake all night I didn’t want to disturb you.’ Josh nodded slightly as the toast popped. ‘It was sweet of you to take care of them. I’m proud of you.’

‘I’d want someone to take care of Ash, Jordan and Abbie,’ Josh took a bite of his toast, ‘it’s only fair that I take care of them.’ Laura nodded and walked over to him. She pulled him in for a hug and kissed the top of his head. ‘Love you mom.’

‘I love you too, kid. Now, eat your toast and we can go out somewhere for the day.’ Josh grinned as he wolfed down the rest of his toast before running off to get ready.

Tyler sat in math bouncing his leg and searching the class for Josh. The brown-haired boy was nowhere to be seen and Tyler really needed him. Screw his stupid popular kid reputation. He needed Josh more than he’d ever needed anyone right now. Jay was in the hospital getting treatment again and he was worried sick. Speaking of sick… Tyler’s hand shot up, ‘Sir can I use the bathroom?’ The teacher nodded. Tyler was up and out of his seat in less than a second and ran to the nearest toilet.

Tyler wiped his mouth and fell against the cubicle wall. He couldn’t keep doing this. Staying up all hours of the night sobbing into his pillow while trying to drown out the screaming. Going into school and spending the whole day distracted by worry. Leaving classes when the worry got to the point of making him physically sick. He felt tears start rising again but fought them off. He was always crying. Why couldn’t he just stop crying. He started to think he might actually have cried more than Jay did ever since his diagnosis. The thought made him let out a dry laugh.

Just at that moment he heard the bathroom door open and froze. He turned around and cursed himself for not closing the stall door. A boy from his math class stood looking at him worried. Pete Wentz. ‘Shit. Josh was asking about you and when I said you left class, he told me to check on you. Are you okay man?’ Tyler shook his head unable to speak. Pete looked at the dirty ground and grimaced before sitting next to Tyler. ‘Can I hug you?’ The small boy immediately attached himself to Pete’s side with a koala-like grip. Pete let out a small laugh, ‘I’ll take that as a yes.’ Pete picked up Tyler to sit him in his lap. Tyler shifted himself to be comfortable before Pete wrapped his arms around him.

‘Where is Josh? I really need him right now.’ A small sob escaped his lips.

‘He’s spending the day with his mom. I could call him and get him to come in if you want.’ Tyler shook his head as a feeling of guilt washed over him. He had already kept Josh up most of the night he shouldn’t have to ditch his mom just to save Tyler again. Christ, he’d barely even talked to Josh since they were twelve. Josh had his own things to deal with he didn’t need to deal with all of Tyler’s problems too. Another sob escaped and Pete simply wrapped his arms tighter. ‘Can we at least move away from this dirty ass floor then?’ Tyler breathed shakily and nodded.

Pete held onto Tyler tightly as he stood up. He carried him through to a class that he knew would be empty and sat down with him at the back of the class. Mr Urie didn’t question the boys when they came in silently. Once they got settled down, he grabbed a box of tissues from his desk and walked over to them. While sitting on the desk next to them he handed the tissues to Tyler. ‘You okay kid?’

The small boy shrugged as he dabbed the tears away with a tissue. ‘Thanks, sir.’ The teacher shrugged a shoulder and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a chocolate bar and handed it to Tyler. ‘No sir, I can’t take it.’ Tyler gently pushed the bar away.

The teacher persisted though, ‘it’s okay. It’s probably bullshit but I read somewhere that chocolate make your brain release dopamine or some shit.’ Tyler’s eyes widened in shock a little at the teacher’s use of profanity while Pete was unphased. Tyler looked at the other boy asking if he should take it.

‘Go on, you can trust him. Plus, chocolate always makes me feel better when I feel like shit.’ Tyler smiled slightly and took the bar with a small thanks. Just before the teacher walked away Pete spoke up, ‘thanks dad.’

Tyler took a bit out of the bar not realising what Pete had said. When he did notice he looked at Pete expecting him to be embarrassed about calling a teacher ‘dad’. ‘Did you just call Mr Urie dad?’

‘Yeah, him and his husband kind of fostered me last year when I got kicked out,’ Pete looked at Brendon who was watching them, ‘he’s pretty fuckin’ awesome.’ Tyler looked over at the man who was smiling proudly and felt a weak smile tug at his lips. He rested his head against Pete’s chest and took another small bite from the chocolate. He sighed in content and let his eyes slip closed. ‘Do you want me to drive you to Josh’s place after school?’ Tyler shook his head, he needed to stop relying on Josh.


	6. Six

Josh needed Tyler. He had just finished his first round of treatment and needed Tyler. The calm of the hospitals was suddenly disrupted by cheering and sobbing. It hurt, but Josh ran to the door to find the source of the noise. Chris and Kelly Joseph stood at the end of the hallway talking to one of the doctors. Kelly was holding Jay in her arms as she sobbed, though she had a huge grin on her face. Curiously Josh walked over to the family. It was only when he arrived that he realised he was probably being rude and intruding. Those thoughts were quickly dispelled when Kelly turned to him. ‘Jay’s in remission.’ She pressed a kiss to her sons head and whispered, ‘you hear that baby? You’re not sick anymore. You won’t be in pain.’

Jay didn’t seem to fully understand but being told that he wasn’t sick made him grin. He started squealing in excitement and clapping his hands. He started squirming and reaching out for Josh who gladly took him into his arms. Josh winced a little at how light the boy was but laughed as Jay started smooshing his face around. ‘You hear that Joshy? ‘M all better now!’ Josh laughed genuinely as he nodded.

Chris and Kelly watched the pair’s interaction with smiles on their faces. It was the first time they’d seen Jay smiling in two months. Josh was replying softly to Jay’s mindless babbling when Laura joined the two. ‘Good news?’ Chris nodded slightly.

‘He’s in remission.’ The two mothers turned to face each other as Laura smiled widely. She was thinking about the day that she could have this moment. ‘Wait, why are you guys here?’ Kelly’s smile dropped when she saw the other woman’s frown. ‘Not Josh too. God, not him too.’ Laura nodded slightly making Kelly pull her in for a tight hug. She spoke softly before pulling away, ‘we’re all here for you. Whatever you need.’

‘Thanks, Kelly. Do you want me to take the boys back to my place? Let you and Chris relax, maybe even ‘celebrate’ Jay getting better?’ Josh groaned at his mom’s use of air quotes as he walked over to them. ‘Oh, shush you’

The teen laughed and turned to Kelly, ‘seriously though, I’d be fine looking after him for a few hours. I could pick Tyler, Zack and Maddy up from school later. Give them the good news.’ Kelly nodded at Josh with a smile that held a hint of sympathy. He grinned in response and turned to Jay. ‘You wanna hang out with me? We could get,’ Josh held the ‘e’ sound for a moment like he was thinking, ‘ice cream!’ Jay cheered once again clapping his hands. Josh turned to Kelly for approval.

‘Of course, you guys can get ice cream.’ She turned to Laura, ‘we can drive you back so that Josh could use your car. Only if you want, of course.’ The other mother nodded, and she turned back to Josh. ‘On you go then. And be careful.’ She used a playful strict tone making the two boys laugh.

‘Thanks Kelly. You saying goodbye Jay?’ Jay turned around waving his hand frantically to say goodbye while trying to get Josh to hurry up and get ice cream. Okay, okay I’m going. Bye mom.’ Laura waved at them as Josh put Jay down only to be pulled along the corridor by the over-excited child.

Two hours later and Josh was trying his hardest to clean the sticky ice cream on Jay’s hands. His mom would kill him if he got the car messy and sticky. Eventually he had managed to get most of the stickiness away and carried Jay out to the car. Thankfully the hour they had spent at the park seemed to tire him out as he fell asleep as soon as Josh clicked his seatbelt on. Josh loved that kid. He really did but damn he had a lot of energy.

He had texted Tyler to get Maddy and wait at the school for him picking them up and headed to get Zack first. Josh sat on the hood of the car waiting until the boy came into view. A small sigh left his lips when he saw the boy’s tearstained face. When he saw him, a small smile tugged at Zack’s lips and he ran over to Josh. ‘Hey Josh, what are you doing here?’ He pulled the older boy in for a hug quickly.

Josh laughed slightly and wrapped his arms around the boy. ‘I was babysitting Jay and thought I would pick all of you guys up.’ When Zack pulled away Josh grinned, ‘and I have something to tell all of you.’

Zack seemed confused but nodded and quickly got in the car beside Jay. The car ride was silent other than the soft sounds coming from the radio. Occasionally Josh would catch a glimpse of Zack looking at his brother sadly in the mirror. He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about what he was going to tell him. Imagining the looks on their faces as they found out that Jay was in remission kept a smile on Josh’s face the entire drive to the high school.

When they arrived Tyler and Maddy immediately got into the car in silence. Maddy sat in the back of the car next to Zack looking at Jay with the same sad smile while Tyler sat next to Josh. As Josh pulled away from the school Tyler reached out to hold his hand, sighing in content when he felt the contact. Josh didn’t really know where they were going until he found himself pulling up next to the small park. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tyler’s lips tug upwards the slightest bit. ‘C’mon, I’ve got some good news.’ The smile dropped as Tyler’s eyebrows furrowed together trying to work out what Josh could have to tell them. There was a slight glimmer of hope in his eyes and Josh knew exactly what he was hoping for.

Zack woke up Jay while Josh got out of the car to quickly run around to Tyler’s door. He opened it with an overexaggerated bow and grinned when he heard a soft giggle escape Tyler’s lips. ‘Ugh, get a room guys.’ Tyler glared at his little sister as he felt heat rising to his cheeks until he felt Josh’s hand slip into his own. Josh bumped their shoulders together and Tyler smiled and placed a small kiss against his shoulder. As soon as he pulled away Tyler froze as he started to regret it already. He had probably messed everything up. Josh would never talk to him again and he would be left with nobody. He was pulled from his thoughts by the faint feeling of Josh’s lips on his cheek.


	7. Seven

Josh pulled Jay into his lap as he sat on the swing next to Tyler’s while Maddy and Zack leaned against the supports. ‘So, I bumped into Jay today and found out some good news,’ Josh absently reached out for Tyler’s hand as he turned to the boy in his lap, ‘do you wanna tell them the good news buddy?’ Jay tapped his chin as if he was thinking and looked around at his siblings before nodding shyly. 

He brought his thumb to his lips and started biting the tip of it before mumbling, ‘’M all better now.’ Tyler and Zack, who were closest to Jay, both widened their eyes in shock while Maddy looked at them in confusion. When she saw the tears in the boys’ eyes the confusion transitioned into worry.

Jay hid his face in the crook of Josh’s neck, and he could feel the small boy’s smile against his skin.   
Josh caught Maddy’s eye and smiled at her, ‘he said he’s all better now. He’s in remission.’ Maddy’s eyes widened as a small scream escaped her. A couple of tears fell from her eyes as she moved to crouch down in front of the boys. She squeezed Jay’s shoulder lightly, smiling at him when he looked at her. Immediately he held his hands out to her asking to be held. She gladly took him in her arms kissing his cheek quickly. ‘Go on, I don’t have to bring you guys home for a few more hours. Have some fun.’ 

Maddy set Jay down on the ground and the three kids ran off to play while Josh and Tyler stayed put. Josh didn’t question it when Tyler sat in his lap choosing to wrap his arms around the boy’s waist. He rested his head on Tyler’s shoulder and the other boy let out a soft sigh. Josh buried his head in the crook of Tyler’s neck and breathed in deeply making him giggle. ‘That tickles.’ Josh breathed deeply again, smiling as Tyler giggled again. He pressed a soft kiss against his neck before pulling away. A small shiver went down Tyler’s spine and he wasn’t sure if it was from the kiss of the sudden cold that hit his neck. 

‘I know this is a really happy moment and everything but,’ Josh paused unsure of what he was going to say next. The boy in his lap shifted so that he was facing him and rested his head on his shoulder with a small hum. ‘I’m going to have to ruin the moment. I’m not coming back to school, not for a while at least.’ Tyler just buried his face deeper against his neck and Josh could feel a couple of tears against his bare skin. ‘We can still hang out after school and if you ever need me you can just call me. Tomorrow is my last day.’ Tyler looked up at him, his mouth was opening and closing but no words would come out. Josh wiped away the tears from Tyler’s face with a sad smile. ‘I can’t tell you why yet. I will someday just not today.’ 

‘Okay,’ Tyler pressed a soft kiss to Josh’s cheek, ‘I trust you. And you promise you won’t care if I call you?’ Josh held up his pinkie finger, grinning at Tyler’s supressed giggle. ‘I met your friend Pete the other day.’ The older boy let out a groan and Tyler placed another kiss to his cheek. ‘I liked him. He took me to Mr Urie’s class, and he gave me chocolate.’ 

‘Damn, Brendon must really like you. He doesn’t give anyone chocolate. Not even his husband.’ He pressed a kiss to the top of Tyler’s head and felt his cheeks heat up. They both looked up when they heard running footsteps approaching them and smiled softly at the boy in front of them. Jay was stood in front of them with his face bright red and the widest grin. He opened his arms towards Josh and Tyler slid off of his lap. As Tyler sat on the other swing Jay climbed onto Josh’s lap tiredly. ‘Hey bud, are you having fun?’ 

Jay nodded, rubbing his eyes with balled fists. He set his head against Josh’s chest and looked at his big brother. ‘Is Josh your boyfriend?’ Josh looked over at Tyler with a raised eyebrow and saw another blush making its way onto his face. He shrugged and looked right back at Josh. Jay looked up at him too, ‘are you Tyler’s boyfriend?’

‘Not yet, but if he wants me to be then I would be really happy.’ He smirked at Tyler as Jay looked at him expectantly. Tyler nodded shyly before pulling his hood down over his face. Jay cheered and clapped while Josh just smiled like an idiot. Zack and Maddie walked over to them with smiles that reached their eyes and Josh wondered when the last time they had been able to smile like that was. It was probably before Jay had been diagnosed.

‘Fucking finally.’ Zack rolled his eyes as Maddie pulled Tyler’s hood down and sat in his lap. ‘Jesus, can your cheeks get any redder?’ Tyler just buried his face against her back, his cheeks still burning. Zack took a seat on the ground beside them and watched his brother with amusement as Jay’s breathing evened out against Josh’s chest. Josh looked around at them all with a smile. They had settled into a comfortable silence, just soaking in the moment.

It was moments like those that Josh wanted to savour. When everything was simple, and nobody had a care in the world. When he was gone, he wanted the people around him to remember those moments. Not the time that he came to school drunk and threw up on the inspectors. Not the time that Pete had dared him to streak through the biggest basketball game of the season and hid his clothes. But the moments where he was so happy that nothing in the world could hurt him. He may have been dying but for the past few hours he had completely forgotten about it.


	8. Eight

‘Josh? I need you can you make it into school?’ Josh immediately started getting ready and told Tyler that he could be at the school soon. It had been three weeks since he’d left but Tyler had called him in four times already. Usually it would have been because he fell asleep in class and had a nightmare that Jay was still sick. When the teacher would wake him up, he would be sobbing uncontrollably, and Josh would be the only one who could calm him. 

Just as he was about to leave his mom stopped him. She was holding a grey beanie out to him in one hand, car keys in the other. He thanked her quietly as he shoved the keys in his pocket and pulled the beanie on. His hair had already started to thin, and it was too soon for Tyler to find out about his cancer. 

When he arrived at the school Josh headed straight for Brendon’s class where he knew Tyler would be. He was surprised when he saw that Tyler had a huge grin on his face but smiled as he walked over to him. He sat down next to Tyler and pulled the boy into his lap placing a small kiss to his neck before resting his chin on his shoulder. ‘You okay baby?’

Tyler hummed, ‘Brendon asked me to call you. He said it was important.’ Josh smirked a little as he realised why Brendon had wanted him to come in. It was Friday which meant that Brendon had no more classes left for the day. And it was his birthday. 

‘It’s B’s birthday which means spending the rest of the day skipping class and getting high,’ Josh tilted Tyler’s chin up to look at him, ‘you don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course.’ Tyler seemed shocked and Josh wasn’t sure if it was the skipping class or the getting high that shocked him. Maybe it was the idea of doing those things with a teacher. If that was it then Tyler was in for an even bigger surprise. Just at that moment Brendon and Pete came back followed by the principle teacher. 

Immediately Josh could feel Tyler shake in his lap. He was supposed to be in class yet there he was hiding out in another classroom about to get high. Josh wrapped his arms tighter around Tyler’s waist and pressed a soft kiss to his neck to calm his nerves. ‘Tyler, I didn’t know you were friends with these losers.’ Tyler raised his eyebrows a little at the principle’s insulting tone. He looked around unsurely before a grin broke out on the man’s face. ‘I’m just kidding, it’s always great to have a new addition to our odd squad.’ 

‘Ew, never say ‘odd squad’ again.’ Brendon hit Dallon’s shoulder as Pete placed a tray of brownies on a desk. In bright pink icing with the worst handwriting ever was ‘happy birthday Brendick’ with some badly drawn dicks surrounding it. Brendon looked at the tray in front of him and let out a laugh. ‘Yeah, love you guys too.’ Tyler stood up a little to read the cake letting out a soft giggle when he saw it. Josh laughed lightly and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. ‘Ty, I’m giving you the warning now, so you don’t have any surprises. There is a shit ton of weed in this cake, we do have another one without weed if you’re unsure about getting high.’ 

The other three started talking amongst themselves so that it wouldn’t seem like they were trying to pressure him into eating the cake. Josh turned Tyler in his lap and the boy wrapped his legs around Josh’s back. They stayed in silence as Tyler rested his forehead against Josh’s with his eyes closed. A contented sigh left Josh as his eyes slipped closed. He was letting Tyler take his time with his decision, not wanting him to rush it.

Afterall, he was the school’s best basketball player and usually one of the popular kids. If any one else found out about him dating a guy, who was considered a stoner and getting high he would be shunned from society. Well, from the group of popular kids but in high school that’s equivalent to society. 

‘Does it taste like weed?’ Josh shook his head lightly keeping his forehead resting against his boyfriend’s. ‘Was that a lie?’ Josh laughed lightly making Tyler smile. ‘Would you judge me if I said no?’ 

‘I would never judge you. Unless you put pineapple on your pizza, I would be judging you a lot if you done that.’ Tyler laughed and pressed a quick kiss to Josh’s lips. ‘Nuh uh, that didn’t last long enough.’ He held on to the collar of Tyler’s shirt and pulled him in for another kiss that lasted longer than the last. When they eventually pulled away, they were both smiling ear to ear and the other three men in the room were cheering. Tyler’s face quickly reddened, and he hid his face in Josh’s chest. ‘You’re cute when you blush.’ The heat against his chest only grew at the statement, ‘my blushy boy.’ 

After another minute Josh stood up and placed Tyler on the ground. The boy let out a small whine before Josh turned his back to him, motioning for Tyler to get on it. Once he was comfortable on his back Josh faced the others once again. ‘We’re gonna go get the other cake but save some of that one for me.’ Pete nodded while Brendon and Dallon were… distracted. When they left the room, Josh looked at his boyfriend. ‘I’m sorry you had to witness that.’ Tyler simply shrugged and looked around before pressing a kiss to Josh’s cheek. ‘Shit, I forgot you’re not out. I can put you down if you want.’ 

Tyler considered it for a moment before shaking his head. He had decided that he didn’t care about people finding out that he was gay. The only reason he hadn’t came out before was because he was afraid of how his parents would react but after him and Josh became official his siblings immediately told them. His mom said that she already knew while his dad was just thankful that he wouldn’t be getting any accidental grandkids anytime soon.


End file.
